Talking to Strangers - It's good for your health (part one)

I have been thinking about the topic of the title I have given to this post for some time, and thought that today being  World Mental Health Day I thought that I ought to at least attempt to put my thoughts into words and share them.

"World Mental Health Day is a day to talk about mental health and show everyone that mental health matters. It's also a day to let people know that it's ok to ask for help, no matter what you're going through. The theme this year highlights 'mental health as a universal human right ' which means working towards good mental health for all." 

Apart from some specific times in my life when I felt that I wasn’t quite “me”, I’ve hardly ever been one to think twice about starting up a conversation with a stranger.  The times I refer to when I have not been able to instigate a repartee, have generally been during illness of some sort – which, touch wood, I am relatively free from, as I write.     

Whether this is a good thing or not is quite subjective and I am sure that others have a range of views on my statement and can relate to personal situations where they have perhaps questioned their own ability or desire to converse or not with someone they don’t know. But, next time you consider striking up a conversation (or not) with a stranger in a queue at the supermarket, or while waiting for an appointment, keep in mind that it might be beneficial for your well-being to do so.

The human brain is equipped to keep track of around 150 people. These are the 150 we claim to know by having an ongoing connection in some way. The ones to whom we could suggest going for a coffee with  though we haven't seen them in person for a long time. Those we might text  (these days) and ask how they are and should we meet up. These are the people we believe we have some sort of insight of and understand how they think. Thirty years ago, Richard Dunbar theorised that humans can maintain a friendship group of 150 people, with 5 intimate friendships. His theory has stood firm also with the evidence that personal and social networks and natural communities are approximately 150 in size, with a distant layered structure, has grown extensively in the past decade. We see this in our telephone call networks, Facebook/other social media groups, Christmas card lists, military groups, online gaming environments, and so on. This number also holds for church congregations and Bronze Age communities associated with stone circles. 

The concept of "the stranger" was discussed by the philosopher and sociologist George Simnel in 1908. According to him a stranger is someone who is both close and distant to a group. They are close because they are part of a group -  but distant because they are not fully integrated into it. "The stranger is both nearby and remote and the proximity and remoteness is of course a completely positive relation as it is a specific form of interaction", he said. 

In early communities, strangers could be both good and bad. Strangers brought new ideas, skills and resources to the community and could provide perspective to problems and conflicts, but they could also bring disease or violence which could be seen as a threat to the community's values and social order. The risks of interacting with strangers were often greater than the benefits and communities needed to be be cautious in their dealing with strangers.                           In anthropology, the "stranger king theory" suggests that pre-colonial and colonial processes of state formation share similarities and divergences. Pre-colonial state was formed by a stranger who was accepted by the local people as their king and this stranger was able to bring together different groups and create a new political order. The colonial state however, was formed by individuals who imposed their own political order on the local people. (This is not intended to be a political post in any way, so enough said on that issue - but food for thought.)                                                          In modern times, fortunately, studies have shown that talking to strangers can have many benefits such as making us happier, more connected to our communities, mentally sharper, healthier, less lonely and more trustful. 

My view and analysis of my own personality is that I am, in general, an extrovert; an outgoing, socially confident person, by definition. (That an extrovert personality can actually hide an introvert, socially awkward character is a subject for a different discussion and possible post). I talk to anyone and everyone on a daily basis and no doubt to some, I could do with keeping quiet, but I know from experience that not only is it good for my own well being, it is good for others too - even if they don't realise it. So why not give it a try and what's the worst that can happen ? Perhaps the person that you speak to ignores you completely or responds in a way that makes you think "I shouldn't have bothered". That person may secretly be glad that you spoke to them and you might be the only person who has spoken to then all day, or longer. Again, from experience, I am quite sure that the positive responses you will get outweigh any negativity and that can't be a bad thing. 

As George Simnel also said - "There is something freeing about strangers - unentangled in our world and lives, our own burden can be lightened. Sometimes, unexpectantly, strangers can become our confidants. With them we can trade the most surprising revelations and confidences at times reminiscent of a confessional". Now doesn't that sound good ?