Wednesday, 3 June 2009

No need to forget

Dear Friend.

Thanks for the photo. Really can't say that I have seen her before - but you know my memory for names and faces and it's not for me to remember her anyway. That's your job.

I understand the throwing out photos and stuff - I have done a bit of that kind of thing myself..... and more ! But have now come to the conclusion that it's not necessary. Obviously when things are raw you tend to go crazy and want rid of everything connected to that person and situation. You don't need that person's face smiling out at you from a photo on the mantelpiece when you enter the room. You don't need that kind of reminder at all.

This person's features are etched into your very being, the touch of them and the thought of the touch of them is difficult enough. Keeping those thoughts to the back of your mind is what you need, at first. But then, as we are constantly told by family, friends and trained professionals, time does alter our thinking.We don't ever forget of course. To even try to is not helpful. But eventually we think about things in a different way and become to have a different perspective. We have bad times, when we think we can't live without this person who for so long has been in our thoughts every minute of every hour. But we can.

After time -and for each individual, this is different. We can, if we allow ourselves to, remember the reasons why we loved that person in the first place (probably still do) and yes, there were lots and lots of good times. Do we have to forget those or try to make the bad things more significant than the good? No. No matter the reason for the separation, no matter what they did or we did or who said what, can we be happy (and even proud ) that we shared that person's life for a time ?
I believe so. I hope so and I hope that you can feel so, soon.

In the beginning and for a long time after, I thought that one day with "my" person was worth dying for. A silly sentimental thought, perhaps, but one that I remember now. I think you may have thought this too, so remember it. Remember, but not too much. Want a well worn cliche? No, you don't but here's one anyway - today is the first day of the rest of your life. That is not a reason to despair, no matter what. It is a reason for joy and the opportunity for further learning. Have a good day.....

Your friend,