Tuesday, 30 September 2008


A number of people have said this poem of mine is good...so am posting it here :

There’s a very fine line between pleasure and pain.
There’s a point where you can’t tell the mad from the sane.
And the sun keeps on shining in spite of the rain.
You’re a fighter.

The door that says entrance is exit as well.
An end is a start even though you can’t tell.
And her idea of heaven is maybe your hell.
But don’t doubt her.

I can see in her face that she senses your fears.
She is opening her heart up and fighting the tears.
All the feelings you hoped would last so many years
are about her.

If the outlook seems bleak and you’re turning away
for there doesn’t seem any good reason to stay,
Just take a look back to that very first day –
Your encounter.

Saturday, 27 September 2008

The rest of your life...

Ok - I said yesterday on this blog that that was the last bit of angst - well it was, for now anyway.
Today is another day - the sun is shining, the sky is blue, there's not a cloud to spoil the view...oops, there I go again with song lyrics, and cliches!

So, just a few thoughts that someone gave me yesterday, until I am back into writing my own...

Count your numbers but do not count on them.
Value your friends but do not rely on them.
Disgrace can only be brought on a person by that person themself.

And one from Ursula Leguin - "It is good to have an end to journey toward, but it is the journey that matters, in the end"


Enjoy your day.

Wednesday, 24 September 2008

The story of my life

The story of my life,
Begins and ends with you
That day I started living
That start of something new.

Didn't think you'd end this feeling
Didn't think you'd set me free
In the power of all I'm feeling
I’m not wanting to be me.

So when your life is over
Even when it’s not too clear
to think I made some difference to you-
remember I was here.
You are
the story of my life.

Tuesday, 23 September 2008

How do you know when it's the giving up point?

Yeah - another depressing title for a discussion, sorry, but how DO you know?

I have never been one for giving up on anything - but seems like I have to this time. I am not talking about writing here, in the big scheme of things, writing is just writing - if it gets read it gets read, if it doesn't then it doesn't. Am talking about people, and life stuff ...and yes I have a new grandson 2 weeks old today...and 3 other beautiful grandchildren and a wonderful family, so I am lucky.
But is this world a place to bring them into? Are there really any genuinely honest people - seems its difficult to find them. Lies destroy the soul of the liar and the dig deep into the mind of the listener.
How far do you go on fighting for a cause that you believe in - till your death ? Regardless of your health and regardless what your family say ?Are we responsible enough for the well being of the next generation - or should we just push a button now and have done with it.

Too many questions and not enough time to answer. At the moment, whatever I say is either preaching or being hypocritical it seems to some people.
So today I pose the questions.
Has anyone any answers?

Wednesday, 17 September 2008

For those feeling let down, low - or just plain crazy

Life sometimes seems more of a struggle than we can be bothered with or we can bear.
To realise that what you held dear and believed in, was either never there or changed suddenly is hard to come to terms with. The worst thing ever for me, is dishonesty or appearing to be someone you are not.
Khalil Gibran speaks for me today in these words, and possibly for others too.

"You ask me how I became a madman. It happened thus: One day, long before many gods were born, I woke from a deep sleep and found all my masks were stolen - the seven masks I have fashioned and worn in seven lives - I ran maskless through the crowded streets shouting, "Thieves, thieves, the cursed thieves." Men and women laughed at me and some ran to their houses in fear of me. And when I reached the market place, a youth standing on a house-top cried, "He is a madman." I looked up to behold him; the sun kissed my own naked face for the first time. For the first time the sun kissed my own naked face and my soul was inflamed with love for the sun, and I wanted my masks no more. And as if in a trance I cried, "Blessed, blessed are the thieves who stole my masks." Thus I became a madman. And I have found both freedom and safety in my madness; the freedom of loneliness and the safety from being understood, for those who understand us enslave something in us." ( Khalil Gibran)

Saturday, 13 September 2008

Acceptable Mistakes

Admit it! It did cross your mind when Gordon Brown made his announcement on Thursday, about the energy saving plan agreed with the big power companies, that it was too good to be true. Well, you know what they say about things appearing too good to be true – they mostly are and so was this one.

Mr Brown had said that all lower income and all pensioner households would be eligible for free loft and cavity wall insulation and other energy saving measures that could save them up to £300 a year in their bills. A lot of people aged 60 and over were very interested in this plan, but unfortunately were told by the government's helpline that Mr Brown had “made a mistake”.

In fact, only pensioners over 70 and some pensioners on benefits will be eligible for free cavity wall or loft insulation and there will be discounts for others. A lot of people aged 60 and over were then, understandably, very disappointed.

A Conservative spokesman has said that this is yet more evidence that the government has put out a rushed package that is not clear on even the most basic points, despite having months in which to prepare it.
He wonders if people might believe and accept that the Prime Minister made a mistake or whether he was deliberately trying to mislead people.
Either way, this cannot be acceptable for anyone in authority and certainly not by a prime minister. Facts need to be stated clearly and precisely and recorded as said at the time. Of course mistakes are made and prime minister or not, Gordon Brown is surely allowed to make a mistake now and then – and his mistakes could be accepted if they were more on a personal basis (perhaps he forgot to refill the petrol in his wife’s car when he knew she had to be out early the next day, or he sent a birthday card to someone on the wrong date).
“Mistakes” such as these incorrect announcements to the public are not acceptable. It’s definitely time for a change in leadership, as seems to be planned this morning. A whole change of cabinet might also be a good plan. Whether this will solve the problems with this government or not, remains to be seen.

Friday, 12 September 2008

No Expectations

I have just received an email from someone (who is clearly in very “deep thinking mode”) asking my views on heaven. He questions the scenario of him being married in this life to a number of different women who all die before him and then when he himself dies, he meets them all at the entrance to the after life. Would chaos ensue, he wonders, or would it just be a very difficult situation where he would have to introduce everyone to everyone else ? Perhaps it would not be difficult at all and they all could “live” happily ever after, together. Would this be heaven ? After all – he loved each one of them at the time he was married to them, so to be with them all must surely be paradise. Or not.
It’s not an easy question. In fact, as it’s the classic basic question humans would like answering, that is – what happens when we die ? – it seems that it is an impossible question. But maybe it is our own interpretation of what we expect to happen that defines our heaven or otherwise.
Some people believe that the best phase happens only after they die and the time that is spent here is in preparation for the future “life”. Others think that they are here now and when this body stops operating, then that’s it – they cease to be, full stop. And there’s people who have a view that is somewhere in between these and a whole combination of other ideas.
I am still out on this one to be honest. My views seem to depend on the day, the weather, whether I missed breakfast or not and who I last spoke to. “My heaven maybe your hell” is my usual response, though I do not claim that this is either an original thought or a very profound one.
But I did reply to the email and I do feel it is an important stance to take, for me anyway.

Does it really matter right now whether I will be going to heaven, hell or nowhere at all? If and when the situation arises, then I will have to deal with it, without preparation, as I am sure is intended. In the meantime I need to concentrate on what I am doing with the present time I have and to expect nothing at all.
If I manage this I think I will have done all that anyone could expect of me.

Sunday, 7 September 2008

Birth Day

It may be stating the obvious, but there’s nothing more natural than giving birth. The process of reproduction in living things has gone on for a very long time – whether we believe in evolution or creation theory, it’s still many years. The act of giving birth is as much a part of life as the need for air, food or water, yet it remains one of the most fascinating and marvellous happenings imaginable. It is also one of the most physically painful yet emotionally fulfilling experiences that we, as humans have (I cannot comment on the emotional aspects of animals, having never been one)

I have still not quite worked out, even after half a century, why it is so physically painful (perhaps someone could enlighten me) and have had various theories of my own as to possible answers. Maybe it is so that we appreciate life itself more, knowing that it is a struggle for mother and child to come into the world or maybe it’s natures way of limiting the population….
Anyway, it hurts ! And it does not become easier after the first time, as many things do, we just have to take pot luck it seems with how much pain our “about to be born” is going to give us. As a mother, it does not become easier either, when it is not you yourself giving birth anymore, but your children. In fact, in a way, it becomes harder. We don’t feel the same that our daughter is feeling, of course, but we do feel a helplessness that translates into pain at the knowledge of hers.
And when the child is born, the indescribable love that is felt by the parent is also felt by the grandparent, in double proportions as it seems to me. The children of my children are as precious to me as they are to their parents and I am proud and awed twice over at the marvel of life. I am sure that I am not alone in these emotions.

To all new borns, welcome to this world. To their parents, congratulations - and best wishes for the future with your little miracle.

Friday, 5 September 2008

Appropriate attitudes ?

Following my blog the other day about how to address people, I have recieved many people's thoughts on this subject and am grateful for their responses. Thanks everyone - it shows that it is NOT "just me" !

Many people have talked of the condescending attitude of those in authority and it seems as though these attitudes are most prevalent in the health services - a department where one would think that it is extremely important to be aware and sympathetic of "customers" feelings and responses, after all we are dealing with sick people and their relatives and friends here.

My two daughters feel the same and their concern is often with the attitude of the doctors too .A couple of months ago, one of my daughters was diagnosed with some pre- cancerous cells (I forget the medical term) Anyway, at the second visit to the hospital they said that the cells were verging on the cancerous and need removing immediately - which they did. Now, her sisters son was diagnosed with T Cell Lymphoma at age 3, so obviously we are all a little nervy at anything of anything of this nature, especially where the children are concerned. Anyway , the offending cells were removed and we hope that is sorted.

A few weeks following this, same daughter began getting a stange rash type thing across her chest - we couldn't find out from the net what it might be so she went to consult the doctor. We didn't think for one minute that it was anything to do with the earlier condition, but she was worried and wanted to know what it was (isn't this what doctors are for?) The doctor read through her notes, looked at the rash, and said " It's nothing to be worried about, possibly a virus or maybe insect bites. Would you like me to book you into The Rotherham Hospice ? " She was shocked and offended. I was shocked and disgusted at the response (presumably an attempt at a joke) and felt that the hospice and it's patients were also being denegrated. I was going to write to complain to the doctor - but didn't as yet.
Are we being too sensitive? I think not.

Mindfulness - the New Capitalist Spirituality ?

Since coming across this article in   The Guardian's "Long Read"  my mind has  been full of the issues it raises- so to spe...