I've found them.The words that I can use as a get out clause for anything that I planned to do, spoke out about doing, wrote about doing - but never actually did do.
Or the things that I have done that in hindsight were plainly stupid or inappropriate.
"It's a moving target - what we think that we are able to achieve"
states Nick Buckles, Chief Executive of G4S the security company who is making such a mess over fulfilling the contract for the Olympics that he accepted and signed.
Substitute the 'we' for 'I' and I reckon that many of us could put these words to effective use.
Did you plan to clear out the kitchen cupboards once and for all today but didn't quite manage it ? It's ok. As fast as you put things back neatly, someone comes along and takes stuff out again. It's a moving target.
Were you going to cut the grass but it's rained again and it's now too wet ? Not your fault. Moving target therefore out of your control.
Drawn money out of your bank account and gone into debt? Well, they keep changing the amount of the overdraft. Moving target.
That list of of "to do" s can all be easily explained away by acknowledging that there are so many moving targets in life that non of us can possibly be accountable for what we do or don't do.
It used to be called 'making excuses' but with a little tweaking of our language we can ensure that we are never accountable for anything and therefore never to blame either. In other words we don't need to take responsibility for our actions or even our thoughts.
Life itself is a moving target.
Mr Buckles thinks that no matter how incompetent his company now looks because of his mis-management that he is still the man to carry on doing that job.
Mr Vaz of the Select Committee finds it 'astonishing' that Buckles believes that.
I would also add the words incredible, unbelievable, astounding and depressing.
Shows a further decline in our attitudes and social and personal morals.
But that's just my opinion and I can't be held accountable for that.